Our friend Harjeet

One of the best parts of our experience in India was meeting Harjeet. He was a classmate at ISB and was one of the nicest and most generous people I have ever met.

During our time in India, Harjeet kind of became our go-to guy for all things about India and Indian culture because not only is he very intelligent, well read and knowledgeable about Indian politics, religion and news events, but because he epitomized what we started to recognize as the common characteristics of Indian hospitality – friendly, open, giving, generous, warm. For example - for those of you who don’t know Grantland, he likes to ask A LOT of detailed questions when he is very curious about something. Harjeet listen intently and answer every single one of Grantland’s questions with great thought and patience - often, I would see Grantland and Harjeet engrossed in deep conversation about many things Indian.

Thanks to ISB’s well thought out public space design, we often saw Harjeet in the cafeteria and around campus. Of course, we were also often in touch for social activities around Hyderabad because Harjeet would call us up to let us know and invite us out to outings.

When Gary invited us to his cousin’s wedding in Chandigarh, it also happened to be Harjeet’s hometown. Not only did Harjeet act as our host for that weekend – driving us to and from the hotel to the wedding sites – he showed us (along with several other exchange students) around the town: to the places he used to hang out at, the movie theatre he would watch movies at, and the school he attended. We even got to meet his parents and brother, who were just as generous with their time and hospitality as Harjeet was. His mother must have brought out 10 different snacks and 3 different drinks for us to eat in the few hours we were there!

While we were visiting at Harjeet’s home, his parents were busy – on the phone, dashing between living room and dining room. What was going on? we asked. Harjeet replied, a bit embarrassed: “They are looking for a wife for me.” Of course, we were curious and peppered Harjeet with many questions about the Indian arranged marriage custom that night. We learned that it is common in Indian culture for the parents to take out an advertisement for their son or daughter, to seek a suitable spouse. After responses are made to the ad, the parents filter the candidates (who typically submit a resume complete with pictures, educational history, job history/salary, hobbies and other relevant information) and must find a common referral between the two parties. After suitability is determined, the girl and the boy finally meet and talk. I understand that at that point, either party can say yes or no, or the talking and meeting can take more time, or it can be a high pressure situation where one party wants the other to commit right there and then – it’s different for all. In other cases, the parties meet with the marriage already intended (no choice).

We were fascinated to hear a firsthand account of the oft-heard about arranged marriage process. Of course, it is so different from our own dating/marriage process in the U.S. (though more common in Asian cultures). One of our questions was also – what if you meet someone on your own, Harjeet? He said that his parents would be open, but of course, they would want to approve of his choice.

We already knew from our other ISB friend Teena that “love marriages” are becoming more common in India as well. But many young people are still open and opt for the arranged marriage process – in fact, in conversation an example was mentioned about a girl, though not required to go through the process of arranged marriage, requested the input and help of her father and brother in finding a husband.

We met Harjeet’s parents in February and said goodbye to Harjeet in early April. By late April, I received a FB email from Harjeet saying that his parents had found him a successful match and that he was engaged! Congratulations Harjeet, we are very happy for you, and we look forward to meeting your new wife! She is a lucky lady.

Much thanks to you too Harjeet, you are part of the reason our experience in India was as enriching as it was. Hopefully we can return your generosity and hospitality soon!